Dyslexia or something more?
I was diagnosed with dyslexia at a very early age. Around 7. I was the second youngest in my year, for most of my first school and soon fell behind, all the other children. One of the teachers noticed that my abilities in some areas, were much better than in others. My drawing ability was much better than the majority of other children and I had a very good imagination. I was tested, I think in the second year and my parents were told that I was word blind. Later they were told by the special educational teacher, that I was dyslexic. I had a strange time in my first school, I went from 1st, to 3rd year (missing out the 2nd year) and then did the 4th year, twice. Going from the 2nd youngest child in my year, to the oldest in the new year (oddly, the youngest (Simon Harrison) who was 2 days, younger than me also repeated year 4).
I managed to get some support, in my middle school. I was meant to attend a special school twice a week for a couple of hours (normally missing out on PE). This was a big thing and I found it incredibly helpful and went from being near the bottom, to average in most of my classes. I was meant to attend for 2 years but because I did so well (and there were so many other children on the waiting list), it was cut to just one year.
When I got to secondary school, I didn’t get any support and I soon fell behind. Some how, I moved up in math to class 4 but I didn’t do particularly well and within a term, I had been moved down to class 5 in English.
By the time I left school, I had managed to completely fail may exams and was told to join the army, by my dad (who also told me not to mention dyslexia. My dad, hated that I had been tested at school and couldn’t really accept that I had the condition.
Unfortunately, not telling the army, meant that I went in with one arm tied behind my back and whilst I initially did ok, I started to fall behind and was having certain issues, which I did my best to hide. I was also a terrible shot, which has nothing to do with dyslexia but could have something to do with dyspraxia, which whilst i haven’t been diagnosed, there is a good chance I have as well. After 9 months, I left the army, I came very close to passing out with my first platoon but with my second, not so much and I was becoming very frustrated and worried, that I couldn’t remember certain things.
The first real help I received was when I decided to go to college. Thanet college had support and one of the staff came around to talk to me and my mum. It was the first time I had met someone who really understood and he basically said to my mum, that I must get incredibly frustrated because it was obvious, that I was intelligent but couldn’t do so many things, up to the level of everyone else.
My dyslexia, is not your normal every day dyslexia. I have issues of reading, writing and spelling but the years help I received really did make a huge difference and whilst will never be great at the three R’s, I can hold my own. My main problem is my memory. I have a terrible working memory, which is short term memory. Everyone, forgets things but not in the way or rate that I do, which I have found to be a huge problem in life.
Now we are going to move forward 28 years to now.
Since going to college, I have got several qualifications, including a degree, as well as getting my licentiate with the Master Photographers Association and Society of Wedding and Portrait Photographers. I have had many jobs (most I was very bad at), I have suffered from depression and anxiety for most of that time. I looked after my mother, whilst she had several bouts of cancer and I have my own business.
Last year, I went to counselling, which was very helpful but quite a few things in my life, just didn’t seem to add up. My dyslexia, just didn’t seem to cover all my problems. I asked a friend who is autistic, about the condition. During the conversation, she stated that I she thought, I had already been diagnosed. I then spoke to my counceller and she stated that it made sense.
I then went to my doctors, who instantly poo poo’d the idea and from there nothing happened (apparently this is the case for many suspected autistics). Now, I am not saying for sure that I am autistic, certainly, I display some of the characteristics but in other ways, I feel that I don’t.
Main signs of autism*
Common signs of autism in adults include:
finding it hard to understand what others are thinking or feeling
getting very anxious about social situations
finding it hard to make friends or preferring to be on your own
seeming blunt, rude or not interested in others without meaning to
finding it hard to say how you feel
taking things very literally – for example, you may not understand sarcasm or phrases like "break a leg"
having the same routine every day and getting very anxious if it changes.
Autism is not the only option though and one other may fit much better.
Today, I decided to listen to a podcast by Rory Bremner. about his Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. Now, listening to the program, I had never before considered that I might have ADHD. I wouldn’t describe me as being hyperactive but as I listened more, it just sounded more and more like me. From the terrible working memory, to the inability to concentrate on anything. It just seemed to fit me like a glove.
When I got home, I thought I would investigate a little more. ADHD is split into 2 different forms inattentiveness and Hyperactivity and impulsiveness (You can also have both).
Inattentiveness*
The main signs of inattentiveness are:
having a short attention span and being easily distracted
making careless mistakes – for example, in schoolwork
appearing forgetful or losing things
being unable to stick to tasks that are tedious or time-consuming
appearing to be unable to listen to or carry out instructions
constantly changing activity or task
having difficulty organising tasks
Hyperactivity and impulsiveness*
The main signs of hyperactivity and impulsiveness are:
being unable to sit still, especially in calm or quiet surroundings
constantly fidgeting
being unable to concentrate on tasks
excessive physical movement
excessive talking
being unable to wait their turn
acting without thinking
interrupting conversations
little or no sense of danger
Looking at the 2. With the former, inattentiveness , I am pretty much sure I fit all the symptoms, though some of the symptoms do over lap with dyslexia. With the hyperactivity and impulsiveness, it doesn’t fit nearly as well. I am impulsive, fidgety and some say I talk far too much but I don’t fit most the the latter symptoms.
Of course, getting diagnosed, would be a nightmare, particularly at my age but it could also explain a lot of the issues that I have had in my life. Why I am a bit of a nightmare to live with (particularly in a relationship) and why I am a little bit more chaotic than most.
So I don’t currently know how to proceed. I might ask a couple of friends who have known me to have a read and see what they think.
This has been written a couple of days after the initial post.
I messaged a few friends who have read the post. They have pretty much all said the same thing and that I have got the assessment about right. They all believe that I am on the autistic spectrum in some way and that I probably have multiple conditions. I still think ADHD inattentiveness is the most obvious to me.
At the moment, with the world in crisis, I don’t think there is much I can do and their isn’t much I will be able to do for a while. Unfortunately, funding for testing these conditions is not very good and there are a lot of people, who self identify but are unable to get tested.
I am not quite sure, I knew what I wanted from writing this. It did allow me to get my thoughts on paper and in some sort of order, which is a big thing for me. It also allowed me to really think about it and see if I could see, the conditions from different angles.
Hopefully, I will prove useful to others. I am sure there are many others who are in a similar position as me. I know I am dyslexic but because I was diagnosed with that, when I was young, for years I discounted everything else but the reality is probably more complicated.
*Taken from NHS website
Autism: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/autism/signs/adults/
ADHD: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd/