Lockdown blues
Oddly, with the first lock down, I felt inspired. I started the studio self portrait project, which was a great success. I gained my Master Photographer Association Licentiate and rather surprisingly, I won the MPA South East Photographer of the Year and South East Creative Photographer of the Year. It was great and whilst I wasn’t open to doing photography, I was working a part time job, driving school children to school and home each day. I was happy, I was confident and I was doing well.
Forward to now and life doesn’t feel the same. For a variety of reasons, I have not really opened to studio up seriously. Chief of which is to do with my studio being a part of my house and due to my asthma, I haven’t really wanted to have that many shoots, even though I have followed Covid-19 rules strictly.
When London went into condition 2, I decided to cancel all shoots, even though I didn’t have to, as it is classed as work, so I am able to have clients around to do shoots (even though I am not allowed friends around). This to me, just felt like madness, so for my protection, I just didn’t feel comfortable opening. Of course, England is now in its second lockdown now and I am generally avoiding going out, with 3 exceptions (work, shopping and walking Reggie).
Unlike before, I haven’t been cheery, my decisions to not take many clients has been very costly. Unlike most studios, I was not eligible for any supports, as my business was comparatively new and I wasn’t making much money, whilst trying to build up. So I have just been living off of the money I earn through the driving, which really doesn’t cover living, let alone business costs, that I still have to pay.
Whilst money has been a major factor, it is not the only factor. I have for many years, suffered from depression and anxiety, which has severely effected me and at the moment, they are a major factor in my life. I have also, started down the long of windy road, to be diagnosed with ADHD, which started in the late spring and is something that is ongoing (More in a future post).
The MPA has stepped up, with talks, homework and meetings but I just don’t have the motivation (unlike before) and whilst I am trying to take part, it doesn’t I just feel completely washed out and uninspired. This has also effected my next big project, which is meant to set me off in a completely new direction but there are a great many cogs I need to set into motion and at the moment, they are all in limbo.
So basically, I feel like I have lost my mojo and I am not sure when it will come back. Hopefully, with my asthma, I will be eligible for an early Covid-19 vaccine, as this is the only way I can currently see my business really opening up fully.